This is not at all how I planned it would turn out. When God spoke my oldest son, Nasko, into our family over five years ago, I did not imagine our future looking like this.
God asked us to be faithful enough to wrap our arms around an oppressed, unlovable little boy, and now God is asking us to loosen our grip on our very much loved son.
Today, we move Nasko into a group residential home for boys with special needs.
This was not the way I thought our life would look.
Can I get all preachy for a moment though? It has taken me six months, hundreds of dollars of therapy, and hours of crying out to a seemingly silent God, but I've learned something; it is ok for life to not go as I had planned. Maybe my plans weren't big enough.
In Isaiah 55, the Lord invited people to accept his gift of salvation. In those first seven verses, an "everlasting covenant" was mentioned. On this side of history, we know the "everlasting covenant" is in reference to Jesus. God was inviting the people of the Old Testament to accept his gift and trust him for salvation, even though they couldn't possibly understand all this "everlasting covenant" speak.
God wanted their hearts and he wanted their faith. He had plans in mind that this audience could never have even imagined.
In verses eight and nine, the scripture reads this way:
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
The people hearing God's words could not have dreamed up a perfect man to serve as the atonement for their sins. They could never have imagined a life free of guilt and shame that didn't require the regular work of making animal sacrifices.
My plans, my wildest dreams for Nasko, what if they were pathetic compared to what God has in store for our sweet boy?
God has not brought us to this place of such a hard decision for nothing good to come of it. He has thoughts. He has plans. He has ways.
And I'm trusting those thoughts, plans, and ways are going to work together for good, as we continually profess our love for God, despite this difficult path he's led us down.
Today is going to be so hard. I expect to cry many tears and to second guess our decision at least one hundred times, but I will still trust God's ways. They are higher. Like the people of the Old Testament, I can't possibly imagine what he has in store for my family.
I'll be writing much more about this process and Nasko's move (including sharing photos on my Facebook page and Instagram account), but for now, please pray for us as we move our sweet boy to a residential home three hours north of our house. Pray for Nasko, that he would not feel abandoned, but that he might have a supernatural understanding that this is best for him. Pray for Chance and I, that we might begin the process of healing, and parenting him differently from this day forward. Finally, please cover Louis and Edward in prayer as they attempt to understand this major change in our lives as well.
If you don't already do so, would you consider setting an alarm and joining us at 6:12 every evening as we #prayfornasko?
Today I'm trusting his thoughts, his plans and his ways.