Well, that's it. It's over.
I've thrown in the towel.
I can admit it, and it's ok.
I cannot do it all.
There, I said it.
About a week ago, I had a minor cryfest because I was feeling overwhelmed. Now, anyone who knows me knows that crying is a regular part of my life. I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm sad. I cry when I'm mad. Heck, I cry when other people are crying — no matter their reason.
So last week, my cryfest wasn't so out of character, but in order to calm down, I told Chance that I needed to go for a run.
That was out of character.
I joined track in junior high. Once I realized that "track" meant running, I wanted to quit. My
mean always consistent parents required that I finish out the season. I've never run again. Unless chasing Nasko. Or that five minutes last year when I thought I could do the Couch to 5K program.
I'm delusional like that sometimes.
So, the other night, I pulled on my tennis shoes and ran as fast as I could and as far as I could.
I made it to the entrance of our subdivision. It's literally two blocks away.
Then I ran back.
But that run was enough for Chance and I to realize that insanity had struck. Insanity does not look pretty on me. Neither do running shorts. Probably because I do not run...
So that night, Chance and I listed out the things that were making me feel overwhelmed.
We made the list by order of importance. It went a little something like this:
1. Care for/monitor/educate/chauffeur Nasko
2. Cook (mostly from scratch) allergy-free meals for myself and Nasko
3. Provide services for my Developmental Therapy clients
4. Maintain a clean/organized home
As Chance and I looked over the list, we knew that I needed help. I was unable to be successful in accomplishing all of these tasks daily.
On the days when I would attempt to clean the house, Nasko would get into trouble and I would have a short temper.
When I focused primarily on Nasko, our house got a little (or a lot) gross.
In order to get any cleaning done, I was waiting until Nasko was napping, but then I was behind on writing reports for work because Lord knows I can't think straight about another child when my own child is awake and terrorizing something.
I was failing at managing my job, my house, my child, and my life.
So, friends, I am here to wave the white flag (although mine is probably wrinkly and has some stains on it, because I'm behind on the laundry and ironing).
I am admitting domestic defeat.
Chance and I have hired a housekeeper.
She started today. I am in love.
Nasko and I were able to go for a long bike ride before he went to school. We played and jumped on the trampoline. We did it all while our friend from church was inside wiping down my baseboards with soapy water. My baseboards!
I quickly fed Nasko and put him on the bus for school. I finished faxing some paperwork and then headed out to see clients. At that time, our housekeeper was dusting the light fixtures. The light fixtures!
When I came home from work, my house was spotless. The windows were open and a cool breeze was blowing, but I could still smell a hint of cleaning product.
And it. was. amazing.
Admitting domestic defeat has been awesome.
And now that my house is spotless, I may even have time to iron my white flag.