One Year Ago

One year ago, I woke up with great anticipation.  I knew the day was going to be great. It was my 25th birthday, but my excitement had little to do with cake, candles, or presents.  My excitement had everything to do with a baby.  Our baby.

One year ago, I was going to hear my baby's heartbeat for the very first time.

Chance and I had already suffered tragedy on the day after Christmas.  We had miscarried our first child while in Florida with my family.  But this baby was different.  I had carried this one past the "danger zone" of the previous pregnancy.  Surprisingly, I had outgrown my normal jeans.  I looked pregnant and I felt pregnant, so this baby must be healthy.

One year ago, I drove with Chance to the doctor's office and waited for my name to be called.

We had developed a great relationship with my OBGYN.  She was there for our first miscarriage.  She knew our heartache on a personal level.  She offered compassion and acceptance as we jumped right in to try and become pregnant again.

One year ago, I climbed onto the freezing table in the sonogram room.

Chance held my hand as the technician began to do her job.  Chance smiled at me and prayed a silent prayer for our baby.

One year ago, we were taken from the sonogram room without so much as an explanation.

We bypassed the second waiting room and were taking directly to another examining room.

One year ago, our doctor told us that our baby had no heartbeat.

One year ago...

March 22, 2010 was the most difficult birthday I have experienced.  The day was filled with tears and sorrow.  I received phone calls from friends that would go unanswered for days.  I would attend a service at church and cry through the whole performance.

One year ago...

One year ago, I would have never guessed what my 26th birthday would bring.

Much has changed in that time.  We've sent another child to eternity with Jesus.  We've thrown ourselves even further into the adoption process.  We've been matched with a sweet-faced child in Bulgaria.  We've sent our lifebook to a Crises Pregnancy Center in Oklahoma.  We've grieved the loss of our three unborn children, but we've also helped others who've experienced loss in similar ways.

One year ago, I would have never guessed that this could be the happiest birthday of my life.

A few weeks ago, my OBGYN's nurse called.  She said that there was a young gal who had come to the clinic at 32 weeks pregnant.  This was her third child, and she was only 19.  She was considering making an adoption plan for her unborn African-American son. She typically delivers around 36 weeks, so plans needed to be made quickly.

One year ago, I would have never guessed that I would be hearing my baby's heartbeat for the first time on March 21, 2011.

One year ago, I would have never guessed that I would be hugging the beautiful woman who was carrying my baby.

One year ago, I would have never guessed that this was God's plan for my life.

One year ago...

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