I have few words. Only emotions.
A lack of words rarely happens to me. Ask my brother and cousins. They’ve always complained about me!
Despite the feeling that I have a lack of words, I’ll try to find some, just for you!
I made it through most of the morning without crying. I have literally pushed this day out of my mind until now. I pretended that the week was not coming to an end. I imagined that this was our new normal: hotel breakfast, orphanage, lunch, sightseeing, bed, wash, rinse, repeat.
Sadly, it is not the new normal.
Tomorrow we will begin the long, exhausting trip home. Our son will remain in Bulgaria for a while longer. Eventually we will be reunited (either by a second trip to Bulgaria or through an escort arriving with him in New York.) We are praying that he will arrive by the end of October, but November may be more realistic.
N. was SO happy to see us today. I think he missed us yesterday. He instantly desired to be held by me. He kissed my cheeks (both of them – it is Europe, you know!) and said “Mama, mama.”
Chance is feeling better – because of prayers and a nasty powder that Svet forced him to drink! He was still a little weak though, and we weren’t able to double-team N. quite as well! He had VERY good behavior first thing this morning, but again it deteriorated as he got more and more sleepy.
We brought a few snacks for him, but when his Taty began eating cheese crackers with peanut butter on them, N. wanted some as well! He tasted the crackers, but eventually pulled them apart and licked off the peanut butter. Svet told us that peanut butter was probably an entirely new food for him. The Kincaids/Malcolms should be glad he liked it so well; we eat it on everything – waffles, BLTs, pickle sandwiches, etc.
Today, we brought a photo album that contains photos we have taken throughout this week. Every picture contains N., so he LOVED looking at this. He sat quietly and just stared at the pictures. He especially seemed to focus on pictures containing the three of us (Chance, N., and I). At one point, he saw a picture which had my parents in the background. He turned around, looked at them and said “Diado? Baba?” It was so cool to see him make the connection.
After we played for a few hours, it was time to share the knit dolls with the other children in the orphanage. The director placed thirteen of the dolls into one bag, and gave them to N. All his friends gathered around, and he passed them out, one by one. I was so proud of him. It is natural for these children to hoard toys, but he was so willing to share that he kept giving his own doll away!
The children practiced giving their dolls hugs and kisses. The director told them that these were their dolls and they were allowed to name them! The children were very excited and many of them told us “thank you.” After a few moments, they placed the dolls in their beds. The dolls will stay in theirs beds and be available to snuggle with during the night and during naptime. Precious. N. even laid down and pretended to sleep!
We played outside in the orphanage’s bus for a little while before it was time to leave. It had hit me that we would be leaving soon. It goes without saying that I began crying. Many of the pictures of me from the end of the day are horrible!!!
The orphanage director offered to let us give N. his lunch and leave after that. I jumped on it! Any extra time with that boy — I’ll take! Again today, N. moved his chair to snuggle right up next to me. He wasn’t as interested in eating his lunch though. He laid his head on my lap and let me stroke his hair.
After we gave up on having him eat, it was time for the final goodbyes. N. wanted me to hold him all the way down the hall. He kept kissing my cheeks as I’d say “obechiem te” (I love you). I showed him the “I love you” sign, but it is more difficult to imitate. He tried to verbalize it though.
I attempted to hand N. to his socialworker multiple times, but he clung to me and cried.
Ugh, it was awful.
One last time, I said, “Obechiem te. We’ll be back soon.” and handed N. off.
The socialworker said (in her broken English) “Ginger, N. understands.”
I walked outside the orphanage and collapsed into Chance’s arms.
I’m clinging to the fact that we’ll be reunited soon. God, keep my baby safe.
We then went to a very large orphanage in Varna to finish donating the knit dolls. We were not able to meet any of the children, but we did speak with the social worker briefly. She was very excited about the donation.
(It’s blurry but) here’s the doll that my five-year-old friend Kylee donated. It holds a dear place in my heart! The social worker picked it out right away and asked why it was different. I shared the story of Kylee‘s love for the orphans of Bulgaria.
Last but not least, today is the day that N. is officially no one else’s. He’s not ours yet – we have to wait for the Bulgarian court to resume in the middle of September – but neither can he be adopted by anyone else. He is on an “extended hold” until our adoption finalizes. Move quickly, Lord!
For having only a “few words,” I think I managed to adequately fill up a blog post! 🙂
Word Press says I have written almost 1,000…